Yggdrasil (forkonfork) wrote,

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guess this is what i get

i had really weird dreams last night. part of my dream involved my family coming to visit and then us taking a giant black bus to my grandparents house. but they drove out to our house... only so we could drive back to michigan? and my little twin cousins sat in the WAY back with my grandma, and got mustard all over the seat. i dunno where my grandpa was, or any males for that matter. me and linzo in lauren sat in the middle row, and my mom and aunt sat in the front. we kept passing those giant blow-up snowmen and such and so many were deflated and hanging over dumpsters.

another part of my dream involved me being in collge, but there were no classes, just dorms to live in. i dormed with two girls who were my best friends but i don't remember their names. but for some reason they slept in a bed together and my bed was in the closet. when i first got to the school, for some reason all these girls knew i was gay and made signs that said "dyke" on them in rainbow letters and stuff, and threw them at me, ha. it was really weird. i hit someone over the head. this one girl in particular followed me back to my dorm harrassing me. i thought she was cute, so i attempted to talk to her civily. she had short dirty-blonde hair and wasn't much taller than me. she had a very feminine face. i wasn't phased by any of her insults, and i told her my view about how homophobes are really the biggest homosexuals of all deep-down. that just made her even more nervous and jumpy. she followed me everywhere. even back to my dorm. i went about doing what i would normally do. and when i changed in front of her she wouldn't stop staring at me. i told her it was time for her to go and she asked me why i was being so nice to her when she was being an asshole to me. i said something along the lines of "why not?" and shrugged and she looked really hurt or something. then i got really up in her face and told her goodnight and she leaned forward and kissed me. i think i was expecting that? so i smiled and laughed and then she started to look all nervous again. i just turned around and walked into my bedroom and she followed me, but when we got there she started asking all these questions like what if my room mates wake up and the such and i told her not to worry and then she kissed me again and started to cry. she started whispering "she's a boy, she's a boy", and then she looked in the closet (my bed?) and saw the poster she had made while harrassing me, ha. then she pushed me away and started yelling how i was a lesbian and she wasn't. this of course woke my room mates up and they were trying to calm her down (as was i) but i think i knew that was going to happen. she started to go on and on about how everyone would hate her and disown her and i said "not everyone" and then she ran out of my room and my down and i went to the bathroom and washed me face, and smiled at myself in the mirror... and then i sunk down and sat on the floor and sighed. and then i woke up.

crazy huh?

i have to clean my room. i've concluded that i'm not gonna think about feeling anymore. i'm just gonna take things as they come. no questions ask. trust my instincts.
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